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Chinese Wedding FAQ
Q: When should I start preparing for my wedding？
Q: How do I choose an auspicious wedding date ？
Q: How many dresses should I prepare for my wedding, and what kind of dresses do I need ？
Q: What is the Tea Ceremony at a wedding reception ？
Q: What is the appropriate wedding banquet menu？ How can I explain the meaning of the dishes to non-Chinese guests ？
Q: My Fiancee and I are planning a wedding next year. My father passed away a month ago. I was told that if we were to get married, we should do it either within 100 days of the death or 3 years later. Is this a traditional rule？ How does one apply today ？
Q: When should I start preparing for my wedding？
You should start preparing 6 months before the wedding. Since marriage in Chinese culture is considered the joining of two families, you need to arrange a proposal and betrothal meeting for parents from both families. You will also need to make arrangement for wedding gown, banquet venue or church if you so choose.
Q: How do I choose an auspicious wedding date？
You should choose a even number date for the wedding. The more even numbers the merrier, e.g., Saturday, October 28, 2004. Sometimes, people choose date with special meaning, e.g. lunar calendar September 9th is a festival for family reunion, and the Nine means "forever".
Q: How many dresses should I prepare for my wedding, and what kind of dresses do I need？
The bride change dresses a few times during the wedding while the groom changes once or does not change. In the morning, the bride is usually dressed in traditional Chinese wedding gown. She won't change until after she has served tea to her in-laws. Then she changes to western style white wedding gown for the ceremony in which the newlyweds will bow to the heaven and the earth, the ancestor's tablets and to each other. At the wedding banquet, the bride changes to a formal day time gown, and the newlyweds will serve wine to every guests at the wedding. The last one is a night gown she wears when she sees the guests off at the end of the banquet. The groom usually is dressed in a Chinese men's traditional gown in the morning, then change to cocktail suit before the banquet.. It is also acceptable to wear a formal suit instead of cocktail suit.
Q: What is the Tea Ceremony at a wedding reception？
The Tea Ceremony is when the bride arrives to the groom’s home, and serves tea to her new in-laws. She will hold the tea cup with both hands, kneel in front of her parents-in-law, and serve it. After the groom's parents, she will serve tea to every one on the occasion, with a sequence of seniority. Those who accepted the tea are supposed to give her gift such as Li Shi money or gold and jade jewelries wrapped in red envelope.
Q: What is the appropriate wedding banquet menu？ How can I explain the meaning of the dishes to non-Chinese guests？
Certain foods must be served at wedding, which include fish, roast suckling pig, pigeon, chicken cooked with red oil, lobster and desert bun with lotus seeds stuffed inside. The pronunciation of fish is the same as "abundance", meaning the newlyweds will have plentiful of wealth. Roast suckling pig is usually served whole, a symbol of the bride's virginity. Pigeon implies peaceful future. Chicken also means phoenix, cooked in red oil to symbolize the wish for a prosperous life ahead for the newlyweds. Lobster is literally called "dragon shrimp" in Chinese. Having lobster and chicken together at wedding banquet to indicate that the dragon and the phoenix are hormones together, and the Yin and Yang elements in this family is balanced.
Q: My Fiancee and I are planning a wedding next year. My father passed away a month ago. I was told that if we were to get married, we should do it either within 100 days of the death or 3 years later. Is this a traditional rule？ How does one apply today？
It is an old tradition that in honor of a deceased parent, the children should mourn for three years. Any entertainment or social activity will be disallowed. Wedding is considered a celebration where entertainment will take place. If a marriage has been planned in the near future, the children would either get married within 3 months, called "hot mourning", or have to wait till after 3 years.
However, this is a very old tradition that is rarely observed today. The rationale in this tradition is to emphasis respect to the elders. If your wedding size is not too big, and it's not too difficult to change the date, you may change your date. Otherwise, I would suggest that you go along with your wedding plan, and make a particular point to pay tribute to your father. For example, include your deceased father on the invitation and the program, perform a tea ceremony at your home on the morning of the wedding day, you and your fiancé kneel to your mother and your father's photo to thank them for the life they gave you, and pour tea for both of them. The emphasis is the respect to your parents.
Q: How do I choose an auspicious wedding date ？
Q: How many dresses should I prepare for my wedding, and what kind of dresses do I need ？
Q: What is the Tea Ceremony at a wedding reception ？
Q: What is the appropriate wedding banquet menu？ How can I explain the meaning of the dishes to non-Chinese guests ？
Q: My Fiancee and I are planning a wedding next year. My father passed away a month ago. I was told that if we were to get married, we should do it either within 100 days of the death or 3 years later. Is this a traditional rule？ How does one apply today ？
Q: When should I start preparing for my wedding？
You should start preparing 6 months before the wedding. Since marriage in Chinese culture is considered the joining of two families, you need to arrange a proposal and betrothal meeting for parents from both families. You will also need to make arrangement for wedding gown, banquet venue or church if you so choose.
Q: How do I choose an auspicious wedding date？
You should choose a even number date for the wedding. The more even numbers the merrier, e.g., Saturday, October 28, 2004. Sometimes, people choose date with special meaning, e.g. lunar calendar September 9th is a festival for family reunion, and the Nine means "forever".
Q: How many dresses should I prepare for my wedding, and what kind of dresses do I need？
The bride change dresses a few times during the wedding while the groom changes once or does not change. In the morning, the bride is usually dressed in traditional Chinese wedding gown. She won't change until after she has served tea to her in-laws. Then she changes to western style white wedding gown for the ceremony in which the newlyweds will bow to the heaven and the earth, the ancestor's tablets and to each other. At the wedding banquet, the bride changes to a formal day time gown, and the newlyweds will serve wine to every guests at the wedding. The last one is a night gown she wears when she sees the guests off at the end of the banquet. The groom usually is dressed in a Chinese men's traditional gown in the morning, then change to cocktail suit before the banquet.. It is also acceptable to wear a formal suit instead of cocktail suit.
Q: What is the Tea Ceremony at a wedding reception？
The Tea Ceremony is when the bride arrives to the groom’s home, and serves tea to her new in-laws. She will hold the tea cup with both hands, kneel in front of her parents-in-law, and serve it. After the groom's parents, she will serve tea to every one on the occasion, with a sequence of seniority. Those who accepted the tea are supposed to give her gift such as Li Shi money or gold and jade jewelries wrapped in red envelope.
Q: What is the appropriate wedding banquet menu？ How can I explain the meaning of the dishes to non-Chinese guests？
Certain foods must be served at wedding, which include fish, roast suckling pig, pigeon, chicken cooked with red oil, lobster and desert bun with lotus seeds stuffed inside. The pronunciation of fish is the same as "abundance", meaning the newlyweds will have plentiful of wealth. Roast suckling pig is usually served whole, a symbol of the bride's virginity. Pigeon implies peaceful future. Chicken also means phoenix, cooked in red oil to symbolize the wish for a prosperous life ahead for the newlyweds. Lobster is literally called "dragon shrimp" in Chinese. Having lobster and chicken together at wedding banquet to indicate that the dragon and the phoenix are hormones together, and the Yin and Yang elements in this family is balanced.
Q: My Fiancee and I are planning a wedding next year. My father passed away a month ago. I was told that if we were to get married, we should do it either within 100 days of the death or 3 years later. Is this a traditional rule？ How does one apply today？
It is an old tradition that in honor of a deceased parent, the children should mourn for three years. Any entertainment or social activity will be disallowed. Wedding is considered a celebration where entertainment will take place. If a marriage has been planned in the near future, the children would either get married within 3 months, called "hot mourning", or have to wait till after 3 years.
However, this is a very old tradition that is rarely observed today. The rationale in this tradition is to emphasis respect to the elders. If your wedding size is not too big, and it's not too difficult to change the date, you may change your date. Otherwise, I would suggest that you go along with your wedding plan, and make a particular point to pay tribute to your father. For example, include your deceased father on the invitation and the program, perform a tea ceremony at your home on the morning of the wedding day, you and your fiancé kneel to your mother and your father's photo to thank them for the life they gave you, and pour tea for both of them. The emphasis is the respect to your parents.
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