They have a marriage but no love; they have a past but probably no future.

Those who are passionately in love dream about their marriages, while others who have already been in marriages struggle with their marriage problems.

A phenomenon called "sub-state of marriage" is arousing much attention. Just like the syndrome of sub-health, "sub-state of marriage" is hurting many people who seem to be in perfect marriages.

"Sub-state of marriage" Creeps among Urbanites

"I don't know if others are living in the same way as me," said Mr. Xie, 35 , who has started to doubt his marriage. Mr. Xie serves in the government of Nanchang City. He and his wife had been in love for 5 years before they get married. Then both of them believed that they had found the perfect person with whom to spend their whole life. However, six years' of marriage life has depleted their love and now they’re not even willing to talk to each other.

"The passion is gone unconsciously," said Xie. "Our problem is not due to extramarital affairs or the lack of affection. We are just too busy with our jobs and ignore each other."

Actually, such unhappiness is common in most sub-state marriages. Their marriage exists, but love has gone. They have a past, but perhaps no future. Much bitterness is hidden behind the beautiful surface of marriage.

What Hurts Our Marriage?

What hurts our marriage? How does a marriage enter the sub-state? Mr. Yang, an editor of a marriage and family magazine, found something in common under the various forms of sub-state of marriage.

Sub-state Marriages Caused by Separation 

Ms. Tu, a businesswoman, has considered her family as an inn. Her husband, a government official has never asked where she is or when she will return home. The couple have become strange lodgers who share the same house. She found that it is common for women who are busy with their career to have marriage problems. Mr. Yang considered this to be a typical case of sub-state marriage caused by separation.

Sub-state Marriages Caused by Affair

Mr. Zou used to work as a teacher in the same university with his wife. Several years ago, Zou got a promotion and was transferred to another city, while his wife remained at the original position. He had an affair with a maid where he stayed. Many people thought he had the affair because of loneliness. However, he admitted that the true reason was the lack of affection between he and his wife, and that was also the reason for his application for job-transferring. What astonished him when he returned was that he found his wife had had an affair during their separation. They both made a closure to their affairs and continued their marriage.   

Sub-state Marriages Caused by Career Failure

Mr. Tan used to be a successful businessman in Guangdong, China's southern province. He was bankrupt and returned to his hometown while his wife insisted on staying in Guangdong. After these ups and downs, their marriage remained, but they just couldn't live together anymore.   

Sub-state Marriages Caused by Violence

Domestic violence is a fatal cause of a sub-state marriage. A survey from the women's federation of Xiangxi Province showed that cold violence has brought great family crisis. Cold violence refers to the couples' indifference toward each other. A staff of women's federation of Xiangxi Province said that most women who were suffering from family affliction or even domestic violence would rather remain in their marriages. These marriages are definitely sub-state marriage.

Divorce or Not?

Many couples remain married despite the problems. What is hidden under their marriages is pain beyond words. 

Wang Aili, a marriage expert of Heilongjiang Provincial Academy of Social Science, pointed out that it was common for a marriage to be poor during certain periods. However, a marriage crisis may occur if the poor period keeps going on. Family happiness is built by husbands and wives who add fresh air into their marriages.

Beneath the surface of various types of sub-state marriages is the conflict between the traditional and new concept of family brought on by social development. Sub-state marriage is a state in modern marriages.

Chen Jianhua, a psychologist of Nanchang University, considered sub-state marriage as a warning of a marriage crisis. Marriages can be disjointed if the couple do not make changes in time. Sub-state marriages put the couples at a crossroad. Though making the decision is difficult, most couples will remain married. Since the couples need to cherish their past and make changes for their future.

Dong Hong, an expert of Heilongjiang Provincial Academy of Social Science, said that it was inevitable that two people with different characters, cultural and living backgrounds may have conflicts. The key point is how to deal with the conflicts. First, communicate with your partner and try to find something in common. Secondly, refresh yourself and keep your attraction toward your partner. Thirdly, always be alert to a potential marriage crisis.